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I'm a wife, mom, and gestational surrogate. I've been blessed to be able to have 2 beautiful daughters of my own and 2 cute little surro babes for IPs. With the support of my WONDERFUL family and friends, I'm doing it again!! Follow me on my journey...

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

1 More Time?

As many of you know I've had "the itch" since Baby L was probably a month old....no, not that kind of itch, get your minds back on track!

The surrogacy itch! I've contemplated back and forth on whether I want to do another journey or not and I've pretty much driven Kevin crazy with talking about it. So I'll just talk to you all this time! ☺

There are plenty of people that think I'm nuts for wanting to "go through it again", after having been sick for the first trimester and being on bed rest for 10 weeks. I understand, but what they don't understand is that I see the bigger picture. I see the struggles and heart break that the IPs have been through. I see the years of being told "no, you can't have a baby". So to me, being sick or the possibility of bed rest are small sacrifices for a greater good. Yes, I may complain and whine about it while I'm in the midst of it...Hell, most other people would too, but I know that it will pass and in the end there is indescribable joy.

So, after talking with Kevin for the bajillionth time, he finally said he'd be okay with me doing another journey!! Don't jump for joy just yet, that's just the first hurdle. (Albeit a big one)
This past Saturday I was invited by another surro to attend her agency's semi-annual luncheon, just so I could check out the agency and see if I really want to do this again. It was AWESOME! I'm not sure what I was expecting...cheese and crackers...a few surros...maybe the agency director...I didn't have high expectations after my shitty agency. It was WAY better than I expected; there were surros that are currently pregnant, surros that had already delivered, IFs, IP's, babies, 2 owners, 2 doctors...and a partridge in a pear tree. ☺ Seriously though, it was very well put together and needless to say, I was impressed and ready to sign a contract right then and there, lol. I met some great people and after I left I received an email saying that there were 2 sets of IPs as a possible match for me! WHAT!? Apparently I made a good impression at the luncheon. Ummm...yea....speechless. I wasn't expecting things to move quite as fast, I mean, I'm not even signed up with the agency yet!

So anyway, the one lingering question I have is: Is it selfish of me to do this again? Being a surrogate takes not only my own efforts, but that of my family as well. I don't want to be a burden, but I also want to do something that makes me feel fulfilled. Does that make sense?

Without getting even more wordy than I already have, what do you guys think? Should I just leave well enough alone and be happy that I was able to do it at least once or do I try for one last time?

Sigh.

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12 comments:

Jeff and Kevin said...

Are you kidding? Go for it! And I swear that's NOT just because the funny stories you tell about puking in the can under your desk make me not have to work abs that week ;)
Seriously though, you are amazing and it is so cool you might bless another couple by making them a family.
Miss your blog-
K

Andrea said...

Seriously? Do you even have to ask? ;) GO FOR IT!!!

one faux mommy said...

i had the same questions and reservations. i recently moved in with my soon to be hubby and being a surro would set our lives waaaaaaay back. he was supportive and i was prego in february. the twins didnt make it and after much soul searching and prayer i knew my personal answer, not now. that's just my story, but i know the conflict you feel. is there a chance of a sibling project?

whitney said...

Omgosh it's soo wonderful to hear from you :) I wish I could carry again, so if you can do it go for it! You're such an amazing person and no one else understands how amazing being a GC is!!!

Krystal said...

You guys are awesome! :) Thanks for your input and encouragment.

one faux mommy - no, my former IPs already told me that Baby L will be an only child...

one faux mommy said...

i see. well good luck in whatever path you choose!

Ashley said...

I have a slightly different opinion about this. BTW, so glad to see a new post from you!!! I think for those surrogates who have actually had to put their family in for an unexpected rougher ride, one they did not sign up for, this decision isn't as easy. For me, if I had a very blissful, uneventful, healthy, perfect surrogate pregnancy, I most definitely would not question myself in wanting to do it all over again. However, that was not the reality. Like you, I was miserably sick, had to deal with all of that bed rest, and what killed me the most was the fact that I couldn't be a mom for that period of time. Everyone continued to tell me that this time was temporary and I would be back before I knew it, but as a mother, I will always remember that that time can never be relived... I can never get those moments back. As meaningless as they may seem to an outsider, that isn't how I look at it. There are 2 things that prevent me from being a surrogate again; one is the impact it had on my body and the risk I will take if I do it again, and two is that I can never imagine putting my family through that again.

However, on the other side of things, surrogacy is the most amazing accomplishment in the world and I would never regret in a million years my decision to do it that one time. Once those babies were born, it seemed like all of those bad times I went through were worth it. It is a very hard decision to make, but you have to outweigh the pros and cons. In my opinion, you seemed to handle the misery and bed rest so well. You were always happy and had so much help. I think that if you do decide to do it again, you know going into what to expect and know what to do if you are thrown a curve ball. I believe you are a very strong woman and CAN do this again.

Anyway, sorry for the novel, but it isn't an easy decision for those who haven't had the perfect experience. In my opinion, if your husband believes that this is something he would like you to do again and you both are equally on board, then go for it!!!

Oh, and the burning of the hair during labor was the most entertaining blog post =)

Krystal said...

Ashley,

Thank you SO much for your insightful comments! You're right, it is a hard decision to make and I really appreciate you laying it all out there for me.
I know for sure I'll get sick, that's unfortunately a given for any of my pregnancies, ugh! The bed rest did suck and I hated missing out on things too, but was surrounded with love and tons of help too. Also, I can't help but think that my Dr was being WAY too cautious, but whatevs! ;) Looks like I have lots of thinking to do!!

And yea...I'll NEVER live down the whole almost burning down the hospital thing :\

Michael said...

Well, you're asking a biased group because most/all of us here are surrogates or have used a surrogate. I see your point about it is your whole family doing this, not just you. I've read in some surro blogs about how much this can teach their kids about helping other people in the world. I forget how old your kids are and how much they understand, but do you think doing this may serve as a role model for something they do in the future? Just a thought. But if I'm selfish I'd say do it again for sure! :-)

Babydreams2011 said...

I'm sitting here catching up on all that I missed during Mr. Greyson's arrival.. As I hold my miracle, knowing he wouldn't be here without the selflessness of someone like you, I have to say: GO FOR IT! There is some family out there that feels just like I did. LOST..SAD... Like this mythical thing called a baby will NEVER be theirs.. And because of you they will have hope again! And they just might get their baby... I remember you getting sick and the bedrest and you know I will be right there texting you and WWF'ing to death! :) I will be praying that you make the best decision for your family. But your girls are a little bit older now and stronger for seeing this wonderful thing that their Momma has already done. I am sure they will be just as happy when you help another wonderful couple! HUGS!!

tasha said...

I've been wondering how you were!! I feel you on all points, as we are also jumping in again. (I've re-applied at my agency.) Not a quick and easy decision for us either, as you recall my bedrest/hospital/csection adventure. How neat to already have possible matches! I'm excited to see what you decide...we might even have similar timing, again! :)

Granny said...

You are an incredible person, knowing the struggles that you went thru before and you are still wanting to see another couple as happy as Baby L's parents are is wonderful!! The sacrifices that you had to make the last time do seem small compared to the end result, especially if you find a couple as warm and loving as Baby L's. The decision of course is yours, but I will always support you in whatever decision you make...even if I have to come fix you breakfast and lunch everyday while you are on bed rest. I love you and will be there for you every step of the way. It takes a special person to want to share the great gift that you are able to offer to a couple that want a baby so much.