Keep it movin'

I know, I know....I suck. Let's get over the fact that I haven't kept up my blog like I should, k?
Thanks.

So I'm gonna try to streamline this update because we all know I can get a little wordy...

1. Brunch with the potential IPs went well. The girls liked them, Kevin & I liked them; we even made plans to have dinner at their house sometime in the near future. ☺ So since we all decided that we liked each other, we're moving forward!!

2.  Kevin and I both had our Psych evals done...not really sure how Kevin passed that one, but whatevs. We both passed and are officially deemed mentally acceptable...at least for now.

3. Here's the sucky part...I went in for my medical eval; got an ultrasound (which was fine), got blood work done and then the RE did a hysteroscopy and he saw some "old tissue" which caused concern to him. He said that it needed to be removed and that he'd talk to the IPs to see if they "still wanted to move forward with you as their carrier"....gee, thanks, doc. His bedside manner was lacking, to say the least. Anyway, this was over the holidays, so the wait to hear back from the IPs and/or the Dr was agonizing. I felt like a failure...like my uterus let me down. I know my other surro girls know what I mean. Anyway, I got a text from the IM saying that they still wanted me to be their carrier and that I just needed to schedule an appointment to have the tissue removed. I must have smiled from ear to ear when I got her text...the thought of surgery freaked me out, but the fact that they were still willing to allow me to carry for them really meant a lot to me.
So I called the RE's clinic and they wanted me to come in to get another hysteroscopy before they scheduled the surgery, just to make sure the tissue hadn't resolved itself...well it did! Nothing was there!!! Whew! So then Kev went to have his blood work done and all is now well on the medical eval front!

4. Here's where we are now: M&P got their blood work done last week and now they are trying to decide on an egg donor. In the meantime, we are having the contract drawn up and are getting things rolling! The contract phase is definitely my least favorite part, but I suppose it has to be done. I'll be glad when it's over, that's for sure.

Anyway, that's all for now. I PROMISE I'll do better with my updates! ☺ TTYL!

1 Step Closer

1st I'd like to say thank you to all of you that left me comments and sent emails regarding my last post, One More Time, whether you know it or not I really do appreciate your input and insight! So thanks! ☺

Things are moving right along, so I just wanted to give you guys a quick update on what's happening. I received a profile from my new agency a few days after my previous post; Kevin, the girls, and I looked it over and decided that we liked what we saw! ☺ The agency set up a conference call for us which was scheduled for this Monday, unfortunately, Kevin was still at work and the call kept dropping when I tried to conference him in so he didn't get to participate. I filled him in on what he missed though. ☺

So anyway, I was super nervous....didn't think I would be since I've been through this 2 other times before, but it felt like I was going on a first date;  I was all jittery and it was awkward at 1st because the coordinator called me first then connected my call to "M&P" and said "Ok, Krystal I have M&P on the phone now".................................................................................................Literally...dead silence. AWKWARD....I guess that was my cue to say something, but whatevs.  After that initial weirdness, the conversation was much better. (between the stupid phone breaking up every 3 minutes...thanks AT&T, not!) We laughed and discovered some things we have in common and after about a 30 minute conversation they asked if we could meet! Yay!! I really liked them and was hoping they were feeling the same way, so I was glad they asked...we decided that we're gonna meet for brunch this Sunday. Eeeekkk! I'm so excited and nervous at the same time! To be continued..... ☺

1 More Time?

As many of you know I've had "the itch" since Baby L was probably a month old....no, not that kind of itch, get your minds back on track!

The surrogacy itch! I've contemplated back and forth on whether I want to do another journey or not and I've pretty much driven Kevin crazy with talking about it. So I'll just talk to you all this time! ☺

There are plenty of people that think I'm nuts for wanting to "go through it again", after having been sick for the first trimester and being on bed rest for 10 weeks. I understand, but what they don't understand is that I see the bigger picture. I see the struggles and heart break that the IPs have been through. I see the years of being told "no, you can't have a baby". So to me, being sick or the possibility of bed rest are small sacrifices for a greater good. Yes, I may complain and whine about it while I'm in the midst of it...Hell, most other people would too, but I know that it will pass and in the end there is indescribable joy.

So, after talking with Kevin for the bajillionth time, he finally said he'd be okay with me doing another journey!! Don't jump for joy just yet, that's just the first hurdle. (Albeit a big one)
This past Saturday I was invited by another surro to attend her agency's semi-annual luncheon, just so I could check out the agency and see if I really want to do this again. It was AWESOME! I'm not sure what I was expecting...cheese and crackers...a few surros...maybe the agency director...I didn't have high expectations after my shitty agency. It was WAY better than I expected; there were surros that are currently pregnant, surros that had already delivered, IFs, IP's, babies, 2 owners, 2 doctors...and a partridge in a pear tree. ☺ Seriously though, it was very well put together and needless to say, I was impressed and ready to sign a contract right then and there, lol. I met some great people and after I left I received an email saying that there were 2 sets of IPs as a possible match for me! WHAT!? Apparently I made a good impression at the luncheon. Ummm...yea....speechless. I wasn't expecting things to move quite as fast, I mean, I'm not even signed up with the agency yet!

So anyway, the one lingering question I have is: Is it selfish of me to do this again? Being a surrogate takes not only my own efforts, but that of my family as well. I don't want to be a burden, but I also want to do something that makes me feel fulfilled. Does that make sense?

Without getting even more wordy than I already have, what do you guys think? Should I just leave well enough alone and be happy that I was able to do it at least once or do I try for one last time?

Sigh.

The Day That Changed Lives

Today is a special day.
Today is the day that changed so many lives forever, including mine.
Today, Baby L is ONE YEAR OLD!!!

It's hard to believe that a year ago I was in the hospital setting off fire alarms and delivering the cutest little boy you've ever laid your eyes on! It was a surreal experience and a feeling that will stick with me forever.

This past year has been a great "after surrogacy" experience as well. I had my worries after Baby L was born that my IPs would just be like "thanks for your services, see ya!" Of course, they never gave me reason to think that, but my mind tends to worry. It's actually been opposite of that...I get pictures, videos and updates all the time! AND I LOVE IT!! They even came to visit this summer and my IPs let him stay the night with us! We had so much fun!

Pulling up on any and everything

How could you not love that gummy smile!? :-)

Being silly :P

The girls played with him for hours!

I think they wore him out!

We have all, truely, become family and I wouldn't have it any other way! I am forever grateful to my IPs for allowing me the honor to carry their son and I am enjoying watching them discover the craziness of parenthood. ☺

We'll be attending Baby L's 1st birthday party next weekend and I can't wait!! I'll leave you all with a couple more recent pics of the cutie pie! TTYL!

4 months, already??

I know I have been M.I.A., but I have been checking in from time to time on all of you ☺ I cannot believe that Baby L is FOUR MONTHS OLD!!! He has to be the cutest little guy on the planet (I'm not bias at all). We (my family and I) went to visit my IPs and Baby L for New Years and I LOVED it! Never thought I'd like feeding and changing diapers so much, lol.
He's getting so big now, nothing like the little 4lb 9oz guy he was 4 months ago. I enjoy getting all of the updates and pictures of him too!

We were both a little sleepy :-)

After bath time (he loves the bathtub!)

Kailey & Baby L

Kourtlyn & Baby L

Our family has gotten back in the full swing of things and it's non-stop now! School events and feild trips, soccer for all 4 of us, Kevin's basketball games, work....the list goes on! (I think I might miss bed rest! ☺) We surprised the girls with a trip to Disney World earlier this month and it was so much fun!! The weather was perfect and it was during the "non-peak season" so we barely had to wait in any lines! We definitely didn't want to come back!

As for me, I've still been doing Zumba and playing soccer, trying to get back in shape and lose what I like to call "bed rest weight" ☺. I've lost 33lbs so far of the 41 (eek!) that I gained. I'm definitely on a mission; we have our Puerto Vallarta trip booked for July and I don't think the "beached whale" look is in this year. :\

I have to admit that I've been contemplating doing another surrogacy, but I'm pretty sure Kevin acts like he's deaf when I bring it up, lol. It might help take it off of my mind if I actually put away all of my maternity clothes...I still have them in my closet and dresser drawers...hanging on to that glimmer of hope, lol.
Before I had Baby L I would wonder why so many ladies had more than one surrogacy journey; I wondered "wasn't 1 time enough?", but now I understand. There are no words to describe the overwhelming joy you feel knowing that you are helping create a family for someone that may not have had the chance otherwise. It's such an amazing privilege and I'm glad to say that, at least once, I was able to be a part of it all.

Anywho peeps, I just wanted to check-in with you all and say Happy 4 Months to Baby L!

TTYL!

Baby L is 6 weeks old already!!

Yes, I'm still alive! ☺ After being on bedrest for 50 years, I kinda felt the need to run around and do random things just because I could and therefore I have neglected my blog. Sorry!
Anywho, can you believe Baby L is SIX WEEKS OLD already!? Man, time sure doesn't fly that fast when you actually want it to! He's doing well and gaining weight, he's up to 7lbs 6oz now, yay! I know his mommy & daddy are loving life with him and I absolutely LOVE getting pictures!

As for me, I went back to work on Dec 1st, boooo! I'm not gonna lie, it sucks to go back after being off for so long, but hey, at least I still have a job, right?
I'm still working on losing my pregnancy weight (blah!), I started doing Zumba about 3 weeks ago (soooo much fun!) and I'm playing soccer so hopefully it won't take too long to "bring sexy back", lol. I gotta be on a beach, sippin' margaritas in May! I would seriously like to know the celebrity's secrets. I mean really, have you seen Mariah? Perhaps the "secret" is called plastic surgery....
Emotionally, I'm doing well. The 1st week or so was a struggle. Not because I "gave up the baby", as some ding-dongs phrase it, but because the journey was "over". I think I was just afraid that my IPs would forget about me now that they had their baby and the thought of that made me sad because we had built a friendship and I didn't want to lose that. Of course, they never gave me a reason to even think that, but the mind is a powerful thing. Needless to say, they are just as wonderful as they were before and I get updates on Baby L all the time. We'll even be going to visit them after the holidays, yay!!
I think just about every surrogate gets asked "will you do it again?" and to answer honestly, I don't think I will. If it were just up to me and I didn't have to consider affecting others lives, then I'd say yes in a heartbeat! But it wasn't the easiest process for my husband and kids for me to be on bed rest. And so many other friends and family made adjustments to their lives in order for me to be able to complete this journey as well. I think the only way I'd do it again at this point is if Baby L wanted a sibling ☺, but that's a whole 'nother conversation to be had. For now, I'm focused on myself and my family and trying to make up for the time we couldn't do things.
Oh and just in case you think the hateful comments stop once you have the baby, think again! Here's a snippet of the convo I had with this hateful bitch at my job on my 1st day back:
Bitch: Oh, hi, Krystal. How are you feeling since you had the baby?
Me: I'm feeling great, just tryin to get back in the swing of things
Bitch: Well it looks like you've lost all your weight
Me: Not quite, but I'm working on it
Bitch: And how much did the baby weigh?
Me: He was 4lbs 9oz
Bitch: (With a wide-eyed look) What?! He was small! YOU certainly didn't look like he was gonna be a small baby!
Me: (holding my tongue) Well it was nice to see you again, I'm gonna go back to my office...
((What I really wanted to say was, "Fu** you bitch! What's ur fkn excuse for looking the way you do on a DAILY basis?!")) Ugh!

Anywho...I probably won't be updating much on here anymore, but I will certainly still check in on my blogger friends!
And here's a video I made to commemorate our journey together. I hope you enjoy it! ♥ Thank you all, again, for all of your support and encouraging words. XOXO

October 19, 2011 (37 weeks)...

...there's no belly pic this time, I have something better.
How about the cutest little guy you've ever seen?

Let's start from the beginning, shall we? (this will probably be a long post)

On Tuesday I had a regular OB appointment @ 10:30am. My BP was high again (136/94), then I got an ultrasound done to measure my amniotic fluid, check on baby's "practice breathing", and to measure his size. Then my Dr says "hmm". I'm thinking, "oh great, last time he said that, I ended up on bedrest!" I asked him why he said that and he just tells me that he needs to do a few more measurements...I had a feeling something was up.
When he got done he told me that the baby's growth had slowed down and was not equivalent to his gestation. Baby L was measuring in the 10th percentile, meaning that 90% of other babies at that gestation were bigger than him. No bueno. That, along with my continued high BPs and headaches did not make him feel comfortable with sending me home after that appointment. The Dr called my IM to tell her what was going on and off to L&D I went.

In L&D my dr had them run my labs and had radiology do another ultrasound just to make sure that his measurements were correct. The labs came back with slightly elevated liver enzymes and the ultrasound confirmed my dr's initial findings. I was told that it looked like they caught pre-eclampsia early and that I needed to deliver the baby before it got any worse for the both of us. Needless to say, I was in a little bit of shock. I certainly didn't go into my dr's appointment thinking that I'd be having the baby! I notified my IPs and they both left work and hit the road! I also called Kevin to let him know that he needed to get his butt to the hospital because I was alone and kinda scared.

The Dr checked my cervix, and of course I was barely dilated to 1cm (duh! my body wasn't ready to have the baby yet! ☺), so at 2:30p he gave me cytotec (a vaginal pill) to start softening my cervix. Kevin arrived, and then they moved me to a room around 5:50p. I was given another cytotec at 6:30pm because my cervix still hadn't softened and they couldn't start the actual induction (with pitocin) until I had dilated to at least 2cm.
So what's a girl to do that's waitin' around to dilate?
Call her BFF to come do her hair, of course! ☺ Don't hate.
So my friend, Elice, came by to flat iron my hair for me...not even 2 minutes into it, a loud alarm starts going off and we realize that it's the smoke alarm above my bed! It's blaring and beeping and within about 20 seconds there were 10 people running in the room...the doctor, nurses, housekeeping...once they realized what was going on, the Dr jumped up on my bed and put some tape over the sensor to stop the alarm! All I could do was die laughing. The looks on everyone's faces were priceless...it was a bit embarrassing, but definitely memorable! And do you think it stopped me from getting the rest of my hair straightened? Nope! ☺ I just moved to a chair that wasn't directly under the smoke alarm ☺
I was not about to be lookin' like a hot mess....I know, "no one cares what you look like, you're in labor, blah, blah" But I CARE! Nothing else had gone as planned during this pregnancy, so I was determined that at least this part was gonna go my way!

Here's my hott mess hair before

Me & Elice after she fixed my afro, lol

So anywho...after that whole ordeal my IPs arrived around 8pm and my cervix was still trying to keep Baby L in, so the Dr gave me another cytotec at 10:30pm. That one finally did the trick! I started feeling some cramping at about 2:00am or so and had the nurse check me. I was dilated enough to start the pitocin (2cm)! The nurse gave me some nubain for pain and boy did that work! It actually had me kinda out of it for a while, so some of my memories are a little groggy, lol. Once the pitocin started (about 2:30) the contractions really began! They were dull at first, but then started to pick up. About an hour later I was at 4cm and the contractions were coming steady, but weren't unbearable. The nurse asked if I wanted an epidural and I figured I might as well get it then while I wasn't in too much pain.

The anesthesiologist came in and I could only have 1 person in the room with me while he did the epidural, so Kevin stayed while my IPs stepped out. The Dr prepped my back and was about to insert the needle and then I hear Kevin say "uh, nurse, I'm not feeling well"...he was holding my hand, but then all of a sudden he slowly went down to one knee and he says "can you call M&M in here for Krystal?" So here I am hunched over the side of the bed, having contractions, while my husband is now fully lying on the floor at the foot of my bed and the nurses are propping his head with pillows. So much for that epidural, lol. We had to wait for him to be okay before the Dr would finish my epi! It was quite a production, lol.

(But according to Kevin, he didn't "technically" pass out...he just "transferred his energy to me" LMAO) Yea. We'll go with that.

Kevin, me, & my IPs before induction

I did finally get the epi done and was a happy camper for a little while, at least. I started feeling some pressure at about 6:00am and asked the nurse to check me and I was 7cm! The pressure was staying pretty constant, so the nurse checked me again around 6:30am and I was fully dilated! The Dr came in, set up the bed, and I started pushing! Baby L was born shortly thereafter at 6:47am!

I honestly can't even describe the feelings or emotions in the room. It was just so amazing. All these months I've imagined what it might be like to see my IPs become parents and even my imagination couldn't have pictured such a moment. It was euphoric; almost like an out of body experience. All I cared about at that moment was making sure the baby was okay. With him being 3 weeks early I just wanted to hear that cry for reassurance.

 It seemed like forever, even though it was only a few seconds, but we heard him let out a cry and it was the best sound you could have heard.
Then everyone else began to cry. (tears of joy, of course)

I ♥ my IPs faces in this pic. So much love for their son already.

Even with being early, Baby L was doing well from the start. He never had to visit the NICU and was able to stay in the room with his mommy & daddy through the entire hospital stay! I was able to pump colostrum for him and his mommy was able to induce lactation so that she can breastfeed. So awesome!

10.19.2011; 6:47am
4lbs 9oz; 17.5in

Smiling already ♥☺

As for me, I'm feeling good. Maybe the labor gods were on my side, because I couldn't have asked for an easier labor or recovery. Besides having a headache and sore boobs, I'm virtually pain free. ☺It feels weird not to be pregnant anymore, I just realized that I can now sleep on my stomach again! And I'm definitely not looking forward to doing P90X again...sigh....but I know I have to get back in shape. I am, however, ready for a margarita!! ☺

The guys being silly

I got to go home on Friday and Baby L and his parents went home yesterday (on his mommy's birthday! ♥) He passed all of his testing and is feeding very well; he won't be small for very long! Baby L has beat the odds from the beginning. He truly is a miracle!
Although this pregnancy didn't go quite as expected, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to help create a family for M&M and in the process, I believe that we all became family too. My family and I have so much love for them and I know that our relationship doesn't stop just because the baby was born, it will continue to grow and get even better.

Proud parents w/ Baby L, grandparents, me & hubby

I'll leave you with a few more of my favorite pics from our special day. Thank you all for following along with me during this journey, through all of the ups and downs. A lot of times your comments are what got me through some tough days while I was on bedrest. I'm forever thankful for all of the friendships that have been formed by way of this blog. I didn't know when I started this journal just how much all of you would become a part of my everyday life and how invested I'd become in your journeys as well. THANK YOU! ♥♥♥

My girls love how soft his skin is, lol

Catchin' some z's with Daddy

Proud Papa being goofy behind us